Crying in Baseball

Baseball is more than winning or losing, it was a lesson hard learned on Monday, as we lost for the second time in three days by 10 runs. While the coaching staff, myself included have been frustrated with how games are being played, we are pleased with how the players are coming together on and off the field. Team play and decision making were better than opening day, which means we’ve been doing something right during practice. As manager, I feel all eyes are upon me, from players to parents and coaches for the team to perform, but that isn’t always true.

Monday turned out to be an opportunity to develop the person, rather than the player. This is a quote from “Big” Al Price, who spoke about it during his coaching clinic. Even now, there are coaches in my life who I believe influenced me off the field, not including my father who managed my teams for a number of years. Those were men who took the time to talk to me as a person, rather than a coach. Even now former coaches like Dave Neff (high school) and Keith Voigt (little league) helped shaped who I am today. Mr. Voigt had a tough job, as he had to deal with my temper, which wasn’t always the best, but somehow was able to get me to keep my head in the game and focused on baseball.

This season I am managing a kid, who I will call Randy, who’s had some early season challenges, from missing practice, not participating during practice and missing the first game. There was some doubt in my mind he even wanted to play the game. Since he missed the first game, I planned on using him as a reserve. He continued to ask me, inning after inning, “when can I play?” When Randy’s time finally came, we put him in center field.

Not sure if it was the fact he was playing outfield or just couldn’t get in the game at that position or maybe it was just how the boy functions. Regardless of the reason, he took his glove off, started kicking the grass while looking down at his feet. I sent one of the assistant coaches out to talk to him, but Randy wouldn’t say anything or put his glove on. After a few minutes I gave my coach the thumb and we pulled him out of the game after less than an inning.

Randy stormed off the field, throwing his glove while vacating his position. As he approached the dugout, he decided he had enough and was going to leave, as his mother tried to stop him, but he pushed by her. At that moment I had a decision to make. Do I continue to manage the team or go after Randy and talk to him? With Big Al’s words ringing in my ears, I walked out of the dugout and followed Randy to the playground.

The moment I left the dugout in pursuit, the coaching hat came off and the dad hat came on. Kids are still very impressionable at age 8 and I was hoping I could get to the root of the problem and get him to come back and play baseball. The first thing I asked him when I got to the playground was, “Can we talk?” I conveyed to him I was not mad or upset with what had transpired. Things happen and this time it happened during a game, so be it, the game continued without us. It was my attempt to be a “father figure” to Randy and see how we could come to an agreement that would see him come back to the dugout and more importantly be part of the team.

As we talked, I listened attentively, trying to address his needs. This would require Randy to make an effort at practice, if he wanted to play. This also meant that showing up to practice would be just as important. While I couldn’t identify a motivator for him, I feel he just wants to be accepted by his teammates and consider them friends, at least for the season. I agreed I would bring his favorite snack for after the next game, Doritos and orange juice.

As we walked back, I could feel more eyes looking at me as I wanted to get back into the game. Coming around the backstop I was stopped by his mother, who was in tears, filled with joy and so thankful I had gone after her Randy. I shed a tear or two, as she gave me a big hug and said, “no one has ever done that for him, they all just let him go.”  That comment alone tugged on the heart strings and got me choked up for a moment, in which I couldn’t speak. When I finally did, I told her that I was going to make Randy my project for the season and see if we could get him to play more baseball. His teammates welcomed him back to the dugout and we went on to finish the game.

I didn’t have to pursue Randy when he ran off the field, but what sort of person would that make me? Being in a position of leadership, as a manager and being a father I could not let that happen. That was one of the moments I hope Randy remembers years from now that someone actually took the time for him. I have no doubt his mother will remember. For me, it stuck home, as for the last month I have put an emphasis on baseball and having a responsibility to the team, all along missing out on more important aspects, such as my wife and son.

During the game I was sent a scathing text message by my wife about my actions off the field regarding baseball, prior to the Randy incident, which made me realize people matter. Not the game or the final score but those young and impressionable minds we are helping developing by playing the game. While I do have a responsibility to the team, I have a bigger responsibility in being a good husband and father, not taking either my wife or son for granted. Hopefully I can learn from this incident and go on to be a better person, on the field coaching kids or at home communicating and loving my wife and son.