Hit the Wall

While this is no automobile wreck, I seem to have literally hit a wall in training and it has been something I have been struggling with for about 2 months, maybe longer. I cannot recall. As mentioned my training at work was extended 3 weeks, partially due to the fact I missed about 5 shifts on graveyards and I was awarded an additional 2 weeks because I was not able to work on a consistent basis.

At this point in training, I need to be better then others who have been there for years and are more experienced. Okay, I can understand that. I must do everything by the book, not cutting corners. Okay, I understand that as well. What I cannot understand is why I cannot perform when the manager I need to impress is in the room. I completely fall apart and do stupid things that I am sure cause question in her mind.

It’s very frustrating, regardless of what the situation is or what actions I take, it seems I do something wrong or not complete or something could have been done better. That last item is just part of training, no answer I give is ever right, which is fine with me to be honest. I continue to work with my trainer and I feel make progress, even if it is those so called, “baby steps.”

One thing I refuse to do is give up. The pressure and stress are unbearable at this point. More so then anything I have done previously in life up to this point. I cannot take even the simplest task for granted and must have my attention focused whenever I am working.

*sigh* I guess we will see how Sunday goes…I am completely frustrated, bruised and battered, but I will return with a clean slate and prove to those I work with I do belong there and I can do the job.